Plurality: A Lethargic Ramble About My True Self

Hi.

Hello.

It’s me again! That guy who used to write an Anime blog. And also sometimes wrote about video games. And… Blood on the Dance Floor…

So umm… Hey there! How is everyone doing? I hope you’re all doing well and that the last half a year has been a good one! Truth be told, it’s been a topsy-turvy year for me, with peaks and throughs. But the last month in particular has been absolute bliss for me for several reasons.

And today I’d like to talk about one of those reasons with all of you. And I hope I can provide, not only some insight into what this means for me as a person, but also a more positive and factual perspective on a state of mind and identity that is widely misunderstood and unfairly negatively portrayed both in fictional media and on the internet.

I am Leth. And I identify as Plural.

For those who are perhaps uneducated on the subject, a Plural individual refers to someone that has multiple consciousnesses co-existing within themselves. In my case, I have a second identity within myself with their own personality, mannerisms, preferences and individuality.

And honestly, I have been repressing my other self for a very long time, which I strongly believe is one of the major causes of my long-lasting depression, because doing so has prevented me from embracing my true self. For the longest time, I haven’t felt like myself. I always felt like something was missing. And in this case, it was someone who was missing. My other self: Yuki.

Yuki is a girl who shares my existence with me. She likes cute clothes. She enjoys going for runs. She likes to bake. She loves animals. She likes to collect plushies. She’s an avid gamer. And she enjoys listening to Kawaii Future Bass music.

choons ^3^

This is a very minimal profile of who she is, what she likes and what her personality is like, but simply put: She is a major part of me. And has been for a very long time.

But I only truly accepted her as a part of myself very recently. Since doing so, I have been absolutely euphoric. I’ve felt like a completely new person. I’ve felt whole. Complete. And it feels wonderful. So fucking wonderful. I’ve barely even thought about my depression since because I feel so complete and at peace.

I’m well aware how silly this all probably seems to a lot of you. I’ve already experienced my fair share of negative reactions from people in my life that I’ve attempted to come out to in private. Many have been supportive of my identity as a Plural, but I’ve also had a few people voice concern that something is “wrong” with me, that I’m “ill” or that this is “dangerous” and “offensive” to people who have personality disorders.

So, I thought I’d give my perspective on what it means to be Plural. Both from my own personal experiences as one, and as someone who knows quite a few others, and from actual scientific studies that have looked into Plurality and what it actually is and how it affects people.

So I guess I’ll start with addressing the big talking point about Plurality:

“Plurality is a mental illness and you need to seek help and fix yourself”

No. No I don’t. Because it is not a mental illness. It is an abnormal condition, and it is something that is not considered “normal”. But a mental illness is not simply “something that is weird” and to define it as such is severely misusing the term in a way that is quite frankly dangerous.

A condition only classifies as mental illness if it has a negative impact on a persons life. If it causes them to become dysfunctional or brings them distress or makes them a danger to themselves and those around them. Plural people can be mentally ill, and this is what we refer to as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). But not all Plurals suffer from DID, as DID specifically requires that a persons other consciousnesses disrupt their lives and make it impossible for them to function as a regular member of society.

Yuki does not negatively impact my life. If anything, she brings a lot of joy to it. She allows me to express myself in ways I never could before. To embrace parts of me I have kept locked away for over a decade. This is not voluntary. It isn’t something I have control over, but it also isn’t something that impairs me or makes me a danger to society.

So no. It does not need to be fixed. If all “weird” things needed to be “fixed”, all outsiders in society or people who embrace cultures that are different from what is considered “the norm” in our society would all be mentally ill and need to be fixed as well. Just think for a second how absurd that sounds. Something being odd does not immediately make it a mental condition. You just don’t understand it. Or you’re weirded out by it. And that’s okay! Within reason.

We live in an age where people have never been more free to be themselves and express their individuality. And I for one believe that anyone has the right to identify however they wish, so long as they are not actively harming the identity of others.

There is nothing harmful about being Plural. Not to myself and not to the others around me. I’ve had people tell me that identifying as a “healthy” Plural delegitimises those who suffer from conditions such as DID, but DID and Plurality are not the same thing. They are entirely different types of existences, and while there is some overlap, they are generally considered to be mutually exclusive from one another.

I’ve also had people say that Plurality is a “delusion” and truth be told, before I came to terms with being Plural myself, I also believed that this was the case. But like with the “mentally ill” talking points, this is a gross misuse of the term. A delusion is defined as a belief that contradicts observable reality that the person firmly believes in, no matter how much objectively true evidence is provided to disprove it. The experience of being Plural does not contradict observable reality, and has in fact been studied and observed on a scientific level. Nor does the belief that individuals within a Plural system are real people as there is no scientific consensus on what actually makes a person a person, and there is no scientific proof that another consciousness within a Plural person is not their own person. From a logical standpoint, the people that claim that global warming isn’t real are more delusional than your average Plural person. No one’s calling them mentally ill, are they?

To be fair, they probably are

There’s a lot more to all this than I’ve let on in this post. But after much deliberation I decided that the best way to come out about this was to do so on my blog. This platform has always been a place for me to express myself about anything. Whether it be Anime, video games, dumb niche music, or being a fan of Insane Clown Posse. And now it’s a place for me to share my identity as a Plural, as both Leth and Yuki, with the world.

I don’t expect everyone to fully understand this, or to even fully accept it. I understand that it is strange and is far removed from what many people would consider normal. All I ask is that everyone try to understand, even a little. Or at the very least, be happy for me. For us.

I will not apologise for who I am. And I will not change who I am because society demands that I do.

If you got to the end of this messy post, thank you for reading. And if you have any questions about any of this or wish to be more informed, please let me know.

It feels good to finally get this out there.

Thank you for your continued support, despite how inactive I’ve been both on the blog and in the community.

Perhaps I’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming soon. We’ll see.

I love you all and I hope you are all well.

And that you continue to accept this weirdo, who is now probably even more of a weirdo in your eyes now that he’s come out about all of this.

Until the next one…

-Leth/Yuki

13 thoughts on “Plurality: A Lethargic Ramble About My True Self

  1. I’m so happy you decided to come out Leth!! You deserve to be happy and accepted the way you are. You don’t have to apologize for anything. I already told you, real friend will always support you.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much Mel ❤

      It means the world to me and this entire situation really has helped me realise who my real friends are and who was just using me for my platform and for their own benefit.

      The real friends are the ones who have supported this revelation about myself and who have been willing to listen and learn.

      I love you guys ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely accept who you are and don’t feel you should ever apologise to anyone for fully embracing your identity, especially if it brings you so much joy. It’s really cool to see you talk so happily about Yuki and the positive way she’s influenced your life, so I’m very happy for you. Thanks for taking the time to share with us. 🙂🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Nyan! I was initially super worried about coming out about this as I know it’s rather bizarre and is far removed from what people consider “the norm”. But given we live in a society where people are often coming out as all kinds of identities, be it trans, non-binary, genderfluid, asexual, etc, I figured I may as well give it a shot.

      And the response, for the most part, has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve managed to reconnect with so many old friends because of this and it’s nice to see who my real friends are: The ones willing to support my new identity and learn about it and what it means to me.

      I’ve had a handful of “friends” and others in my life cut ties with me because of this, and honestly that hurts. But I won’t apologise for who I am and what Yuki means to me as a part of me.

      Thank you for the support! Hopefully I can come back to blogging sooner than later. I’ve missed all of you folks ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I totally empathise with that. When I came out as nonbinary, then trans, and then again as being on the asexual spectrum, a lot of people I thought were my friends gave me so much shtick for it. On the one hand you realise your real friends and family are, people you can rely on for support and encouragement, but on the other it totally blows to discover people you trusted or felt you could be vulnerable with were total a-holes. So, I definitely understand. But I’m glad you and Yuki stepped out, and I hope that your guys’ confidence and self-love/acceptance will bloom in awesome ways from here on out. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Good on you for speaking so frankly about this. It’s not a situation I’ve really come across before, but you paint a good picture of what it means — and as you say, there’s nothing harmful about it, so it’s not really anyone’s business what you identify as.

    I wonder if the growth in popularity of stuff like VTubers has encouraged people to explore this sort of thing a bit more than they perhaps would have done in the past. After all, if you want to interact with the world as “another self”, there’s no better way of doing it than online, which offers you the complete freedom to present yourself however you wish. I’ve certainly always felt my “true self” is easier to express online than it is in person.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Pete. The support honestly means the world to me. To both of us. I’m glad you (and others) seem to see it the way I do.

      I’ve had a handful of people react aggressively to this in ways that were honestly really upsetting, but it’s nice to see that 9/10 people have been willing to read my thoughts, listen to them and make an effort to understand my identity and educate themselves on it. It’s been so much better received than I thought it would be.

      And I think that’s a very good point and has a lot of logic to it. My online life has definitely helped me come to terms with embracing who I am and how I feel. And on the subject of VTubers, we’re considering giving that a go some time as a way for Yuki to express herself in a way she feels comfortable and “cute”. Maybe we’ll stream some games or something with our own little VTuber avatar. Alice is currently modelling one for us, so we’ll see! It could be fun!

      Anyhow, thanks a lot for reading. It means the world and hopefully I can come back to getting more regular posts out soon. It’s nice to be back in some capacity and reconnect with old faces and friends.

      This has been such a wake up call for me and has had me re-shifting my priorities and general attitude towards how I approach things and conduct myself online.

      Brighter days are ahead!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This was actually something new for me, so thank you for the education on that. Never feel like you need to apologise for you are. You deserve happiness, and if coming out has given you that, that should be a definite positive thing. Enjoy the release and freedom to just be that this brings you and Yuki.

    Liked by 1 person

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